I am here to announce a newly diagnosed psycho-social disorder. I am not sure if the rest of you have heard of it, but I am taking personal responsibility for raising awareness of this crippling disease. You may be surprised to know that there are people in your town, neighborhood and probably even homes that suffer from this wide-reaching, life-changing affliction....
SOCK-A-PHOBIA.
There are many symptoms this disorder displays. One distinct way to find out if someone you love is a victim of this disease is to look around your house. If there are socks, dirty of course, thrown about.....you should be worried. In the early stages, stage I and II, the individual will attempt to get them close to the dirty clothes hamper and usually the pair will be within a few feet of each other. If treatment is not immediately started the individual will quickly develop more and more severe behaviors. Slowly the socks get thrown further and further from the dirty clothes and inevitably one socks will end up on opposite ends of the room. Stage IV, otherwise known as 'terminal' sock-a-phobia, has a quick and in most cases deadly outcome. This is when you find one sock, crusty, with no trace of the pair in sight. In a heroic effort the caregivers of those afflicted with sock-a-phobia will attempt to locate the missing sock.....to the point of saving lone socks in a clothes hamper desperatly trying to match them with each and every sock that comes through the laundry. Ususally after a few years and in extreme case only a few months the caregiver will lose all semblance of sanity and take out as many of those suffering with the disease with them. This can include strangulation with the 'orpahned' socks, shooting the balled up 'orphaned' socks out of a large caliber gun, repeatedly, and last but not least stabbing them with the nasty, crusty 'lost' socks found in the garage.
The worst, or maybe the best, part of this disease is that those suffering have no idea that they have this disease at all. Please, please help these individuals recognize this disorder and seek help from a qualified professional. Treatments range from training or retraining of the location of the dirty clothes basket to the most severe, amputation of the feet as to eliminate the need for socks. To date thre have been few success stories, but we are still looking for a cure....eluisve as it may be.
2 comments:
I'm ashamed to admit that I have been pairing an unmatched set of socks belonging to my husband for the last several months because I just can't find the mates. He wears them like that, so I guess it's okay.
We have that at our house too, and it's so good to know we are not alone. I may be wrong, but could this possibly be more common in the XY pairing of chromosomes??
Post a Comment